As promised... White Girl Wasted.

I am going to try to tackle something that I've been rethinking for a long time. When I first blurted it out, it was in a facebook post which was, like they are, too short and too off the cuff to have been carefully thought out. And, unbeknownst to me, my casual approach to the topic pissed off a lot of people, for reasons that I have come to understand... but not necessarily agree with.

To some, that might be an invitation to leave it the hell alone. To me, pig-headed woman that I am, it means that I obviously need to take the time to explain myself more clearly, because nothing that I said should have been taken personally... because it wasn't personal.

And so! Without any more preface; let's talk about the (apparently loaded) phrase..... "White Girl Wasted."

I've asked around about this three word combination. What comes to mind when you first hear it? Especially after the shitstorm it caused when I assumed that most people get the same mental image as I do when they hear the words, I wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy. As I suspected, most of the answers I got were pretty well in line with what I had been thinking. The words; sloppy, trashy, slutty, shitfaced, hooker, skank, etc., seemed to come up fairly often. Behaviors like; dressing very scantily and then accidentally exposing yourself, waking up next to someone and/or in a place that you don't recognize, sleeping on the bathroom floor next to the toilet, squealing, slurring, stumbling, passing out, vomiting all over yourself or someone else, and pretty much all kinds of stuff that you regularly see on Texts From Last Night.

Now, when I wrote it out originally it was because I had just recently watched Jenna Marble's video blog thingy about White Girls in the Club. And... it was funny. I fucking love that girl. She's hilarious. But she was addressing something I have often found really annoying myself. Then, a few weeks later, I was looking at Texts From Last Night and the phrase came up. "Come over to so and so's house! We're gonna get White Girl Wasted!!!!!"

Instantly, I think of Jenna Marbles youtube video. And then... of that girl I saw at the Homesteader a few nights before we left for Belize in 2009. I heard a loud crash while I was peeing, and looked under the stall, and was totally (of course) unprepared to see a vagina... 3 feet from my face. Because I would never, in a million EONS, wear a super short dress to the bar... with no UNDERWEAR... and then proceed to get so fucking hammered that I could no longer balance on my own 5 inch heels while I puked my guts out in the bathroom of the dirtiest bar inside of 5 zip codes.

.........white girl wasted. there it was, staring me in the face. It was pretty awful.

And then, I start thinking about everything that Jenna Marbles doesn't talk about in that video. The shit that happens after the fact.

Where does that girl end up at the end of the night?

If she has good friends, she ends up at home, or at the house of someone she knows, asleep next to the toilet with a towel. Or in the bath tub or something. If she isn't lucky, or if she has alienated all of her friends by perpetually being someone that needs babysitting when everyone would rather be out having fun, she ends up on her own. And we all know what happens to that girl at the bar at the end of the night.

This is where my emotions get mixed up about it. And probably how I managed to NOT so clearly articulate what I think about "White Girl Wasted." Because, yes, when you see it happening, sometimes it's funny. The same way it's funny when someone eats shit on an icy sidewalk. You know it hurts, and you shouldn't laugh, but... you do, because it's hilarious. When that girl falls off the barstool and exposes herself to the entire bar, at least for the split second after it happens, I'm laughing my ass off, because she's more than likely been annoying everyone around her for the last hour..... and then I think about where she's going to be in 3 hours... and I hope someone she knows is around to get her home.

The original post went that way too. At first it was a joke. "Hey! White girls!!! Come on now, you're embarrassing the rest of us!"

And then it was indignant. Like a surprise vagina in the face at a dirty bathroom will make you feel. "Jesus Christ ladies... have some fucking dignity, would you? Your behavior is fucking repulsive."

And then it was reflective. About how scary and wrong it is to glorify that behavior, not really because it makes the onlookers feel indignant, but because of the dangers that come with being totally out of control of yourself.

This is where perception and intent diverged. All of a sudden, what I got was a lot of attacks about how I myself have had some less than shiny moments on an accidental drunk, so how was I in any position to act like I am so much better than the girls I'm talking about?

And here is what I have to say about that. I don't catch an accidental drunk very often. Those are the BEST kind. That night that you just had no idea was going to turn into the wildest party of your year, the most fun, the most laughing, etc. I am in no way knocking that kind of good time. As a red blooded American... that would just be down right sinful. And, as a result of that kind of good time, sometimes we slip into... "oops, that last drink or two was probably not necessary." Shit happens. It happens to the best of us.

And in the morning? You wake up, or go home, and shower. You try to eat something and go back to sleep. And you occasionally are kicking yourself for making a split decision at a bar about the company you chose to keep for the evening. (Also, occasionally, you go through a long period of fun, easy dating that turns into the best relationship of your life. Let's just put it out there, I found Josh at a bar and neither of us ever thought we'd be together like we are almost two years later. Also, we were both pretty hammered the night we met.)

The point is that going home and thinking about your evening, and deciding maybe it's best not to put yourself in that particular situation again, calling your friends, making sure everyone is ok, and then moving on... well, if you have to recover from a bad night, there are good and bad ways to go about it. Treating it like it was your crowning achievement and promoting it like that's what the best nights are supposed to be like is no good.

What's fucked up, is that now, achieving that level of hammered has become a respectable challenge to pursue. It even has a fun, catchy phrase to go with it. One that implies that to reach that state is fun! "Let's get white girl wasted!" And that doing so somehow means that we are care free, don't give a fuck what anyone thinks, fun-loving, free-spirited party animals who just wanna have a good time while we're young.

Except... that isn't, in practice, what it means. It means we will wake up in pain. With raging headaches, nauseous stomachs, achy bones, inexplicable bruises or scrapes, and we generally look, smell and feel like a bucket of watery dog shit. It means that we make ourselves vulnerable to predators. It means that we are less likely to resist the pressure from someone who isn't worth our attention, to go back to his house. It means that (in most cases), the person you chose to follow home doesn't know you, care about you, or give a flying fuck if the progression of your night together is at all satisfying or pleasurable for you in any way. Let's just admit it, when it comes to orgasms, men are pretty simple, and women are most certainly less so. Which is why I no longer believe most girls when they say that they love one night stands. Honey, you aint fooling me. The likelihood that that man you don't know took the time or care to figure out your anatomy while you were both so shitfaced you could barely walk, AND bring it to fruition, is slim to none. Even if he thinks he did, and sometimes even when SHE thinks he did... he really didn't. Ladies, you all know what I'm talking about.

On college campuses across our country, sexual assault is rampant, and booze facilitates it for all parties involved. Young woman flirts with young man all night. She can't defend herself, he misconstrues her intentions, she probably wouldn't be as promiscuous a person if sober, and he probably wouldn't behave like a predator. At least, far less often. And what happens as a result? She has to deal with the emotional remnants of what may have been a horrible experience, diseases get spread, unplanned pregnancies happen,  reputations get ruined, rumors spread like wildfire, and women get raped, assaulted, or murdered. There is no good way to avoid making yourself a target if you are black out drunk.

But, what do we do in the good old U.S. of A? We promote alcohol, and the use of it to the point of excess (even while somehow claiming that drugs like marijuana are dangerous enough to be illegal... but that's another blog). We give it a fun nickname. And we glorify the behavior that puts us all in danger. So, while I respect everyone's right to a good time, I do not think it makes the topic taboo and I am not apologizing for bringing it up.

White girls, and ALL girls; I think it's time to get it together.

How Aurora became a fight groupie

It might be time to address to people who do not already agree, why the UFC is something that a person such as myself, who might not be the type from whom... you would expect a fondness for dudes beating the holy shit out of each other until someone gets knocked unconscious or they have to call the fight due to injuries.

It was originally something I didn't care that much for at all. I would watch them and be kinda bored, but it was something I could do with my friend. And then Lauren turned into a... real fighter somewhere along the way, and that made it different. I can pinpoint almost the exact moment in my head. Possibly not the moment that she realized it, but definitely the moment when I did. When we got about 2 minutes into her first Title fight, and it dawned on all of us, clear and certain, that not only was Lauren not going to lose, but that she was headed places. It was really something to watch. And that is a huge part of it. I would watch them by myself now, but I never would have before that.

That isn't everything though. There is something about it that is hard to pin down. Something that not all sports have. And I understand it in the same way I understand things like rock climbing and running, even though I don't want to do... either of those things, and although that sounds weird at first. But, think back to what people were like... 40 or 60 thousand years ago. Before we had figured out tools and settled down to civilizations, back when people made home where they stopped moving, and then moved on soon after.

The instincts that those humans developed to survive exist in us and instincts are a crazy thing. Activities that fulfill that part of us are in a way, closer to what we were made for than... others. Croquet for example. Or... curling. Baseball, basketball, football, etc. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with them, but before man knew much of anything, he would not have been drawing out lines in 10 yard increments and playing football. He ran, he climbed, he ate, he procreated, and he fought. It is in our DNA, if you think about it. History proves one thing. People will always fight each other.

And as a result of that, the UFC is the only sport besides soccer that I can think of, that everyone plays. Because, within reason, everybody can do it. The rules are simple, the equipment is pretty much non-existent, and it's already in our guts (some people's more than others). I am oversimplifying, but still.

The World Cup only happens every 2 years, but people from all over the planet watch it. And whether or not you care that much about soccer, that right there is an amazing fact. Everyone is watching. ALL of us. There are VERY few things that bring our entire species together.

But MMA is becoming another one. Last night they held it in Tokyo, and the commentators talked a lot about how different the atmosphere was there than it is at UFC's held in the U.S. That stadium was packed, and it was enormous. Which you would expect, of the largest city on Earth. And while the fights went on, the arena was silent. Being an American, I like to yell when things aren't going my way... and also when they are. It's ridiculous. It doesn't have any bearing on what is actually going to happen, but it's just the way Americans get down. And... frankly I can't think of another culture that seems likely to politely and quietly absorb what is happening without screaming. Being in a stadium full of screaming people is a trip. The fact that that spirit doesn't overtake them in Japan is not something I really get, but I think it's incredibly interesting. Weird... but frankly that's par for the course. Japan produces THE weirdest shit on the planet, and always has (I was dinking around reading stories on Vice Media the other day, and they did a tour and extended interview with a guy who produces eel porn. I think that's all I need to say).

The point is, it was cool to get a snapshot of a different place, as warped as it may be through the lens of Dana White's creation and his... classic American sensibilities. Bright flashing lights, beautiful women, and bloody combat. That, and it's cool that we win at this sport a lot more often than we win at soccer. Brazil still seems to be the best in the world (or up there) at the most different things though. Fighting, soccer, food, dancing, beauty and waxing. Damn Brazilians.

Aside from that, I think it's the hardest sport on earth. I've talked to Lauren about it, and she thinks Boxing is the hardest. But, in my opinion, the fact that you cannot sustain the crushed eye socket and potentially broken nose that Frankie Edger got last night from Ben Henderson's heel to the face... well, it makes me feel differently. You can get it from a fist, but simple physics says the muscles in a leg are bigger than the muscles in an arm and... holy shit.

A lot of this isn't stuff I'd know unless I knew fighters. They aren't just "in good shape" and practicing all the time. It really is the most rigorous, complicated and physically demanding culmination of efforts there is, in order to make yourself a bad ass fighter like those guys last night. Diet, cardio, boxing, wrestling, jiu jitsu, supplements, and getting enough sleep to recover, while in most cases, at least when starting out, they're also working full time jobs to pay the bills. You have to have brains, because a good fighter is one who can think fast on his feet, and you keep your mind game sharp. Not to mention the injury care they have to take. Black eyes are part of practice. Someone always pukes. Sometimes they pass out. You have to be willing to get the shit beat out of you so badly, every day, that whatever gets thrown at you in the cage will not be worse than your training. You have to stick needles into your ears to drain fluid. You have to take baths in a tub full of ice. You have to starve yourself, while pouring sweat in a sauna, and spitting what little saliva is in your mouth into a bottle, just to get rid of that extra half pound in order to make weight.  It is... undoubtedly harder than being a football player.

And, though my statement on the matter used to be "I don't like to watch two people try to kill each other," it's really unavoidable now. I just spent an hour looking at stats and watching blurbs on the UFC website. I think they've made an actual sports fan out of me, and no other sport has ever successfully done it. But, I LOVE to watch the fights :)

Can we start stocking birth control in vending machines with candy and soda, please?

"A group of female Democratic legislators in the Georgia House of Representatives has proposed a bill that would ban men from seeking vasectomies." This is the opening line from a Huffington Post article that I just saw pop up on facebook. This is a response to the Georgia government making moves to restrict abortion rights in the state even more so than they already are. Which is... stupid from a monetary standpoint given that 71% of unplanned births are publicly funded in Georgia, and it's not like they can really afford to have any more babies that the taxpayers have to foot the bill for. 

The comes in conjunction with a huge national debate over whether religiously owned workplaces should have to provide birth control, if it is against their beliefs.... (hang on, I'll get back to that one). Honestly, I think it's ballsy and hilarious. And true, really... if the reason you believe abortion should be against the law, because God says so, is the same reason you don't believe in birth control... then by that same logic we should not be messing with nature at all, right? Which means that women getting their tubes tied, and men getting vasectomies are both equally against the rules, as far as God is concerned. I think it's great that someone is finally bringing MEN into this argument. Let's put someone else on the defensive for a little while. PROPS to you, Georgia Democrats.

Now, maybe some other groups will find way to creatively handle the rest of the reproductive rights messes that are popping up around the country. Like this whole ridiculous argument by churches that they should somehow be exempt from providing birth control coverage. Here's my problem with that. Churches, at least every one of them that possibly qualifies for it, receive FEDERAL FUNDING. And if you take even one cent of MY tax dollars, to fund YOUR faith-based initiatives, that I don't agree with, you can fucking pay for the women who want birth control to have birth control, even though you don't agree with it. 

The article that I cited earlier about 71% of Georgia's unplanned births being paid for by Geogia's tax payers is incredibly staggering. That's 696 MILLION DOLLARS. And Georgia is a very poor state, to be footing such a bill. The article shows the data from all states in fact. And it restricts the costs of what the public is paying to costs for pregnancy and first year infant care. That doesn't include food, diapers, housing, etc... much of which is undoubtedly funded by the public also, but can't be pinpointed to just baby-related stuff. In my own state, it's 64%, which equals 68 Million dollars. Divide that by 300,000 people in our state, and that's $226 a year that i'm paying because a bunch of people who didn't want babies, had babies. Mississippi's tax payers foot the bill for 81% of unplanned births. That's 4 out of 5 kids. The lowest percentage was more like 45%. Which means that at the lowest, nearly half of unplanned births are being paid for by YOU.

Just consider the simple fact, that if we were tossing birth control out the windows of passing cop cars, into the hands of any and everyone who wanted it, regardless of how poor they are, a LOT more of those babies would never be conceived. Never have to be aborted. Never have to be subjected to drugs and alcohol inutero, abandonment, abuse, neglect, starvation, sickness or violence. Because, not to put too fine a point on it, the babies that end up in THOSE situations... are overwhelmingly the ones who were unwanted in the first place. And then, the ones that also overwhelmingly grow up into lives of crime and jail. How, knowing these things, can we even still be having an argument about whether or not birth control should be available to everyone who will take it? 

If you could have a booth at the public health offices around the country that just offered up a free shot of Depo Provera... if you said to those women already packing around a couple of kids they can't afford and didn't ask for, "hey! want to be certain you won't get pregnant again for at least 3 months? It's free, and you can come back here and get it every 3 months as long as you want, until you dry up...." How many of them do you think would jump on that opportunity right then? I think it would be a lot. I think we should leave the pills in bar bathrooms with condoms. I think we should pass it out like candy at drugstores. And then, all those lowlife pieces of shit that you don't want to pay welfare to if they test positive for drugs, or don't want to get jobs, or are cheating the system, or already have too many kids they don't care for, or behave in promiscuous and dangerous ways... none of those couplings would result in pregnancy, crack babies, or kids with HIV. Whatever happened to those people... there would be no children put at risk because of it.

Now, all of this aside. Here is what bothers me most about the sudden resurgence in uproar surrounding this debate. And I want to know... if it bothers anyone but me. A few weeks back, the debate was about the economy. Love them or hate them, Occupy has brought a lot of attention to the unfair aspects of the financial organism of this country. Now that we've nationally outed the unethical practices of the big bank owners, big time lobbyists, crooked politicians, super-pac contributors, etc., now that we've made it clear to the common people that they are not now and have not been in a long time, telling the truth or handling their power, influence or wealth in a way that suits their responsibilities as a humans or as an Americans, the debate in Washington was turning toward how to fix things. Closing tax loopholes for corporations, letting the Bush tax cuts expire, etc. All of this was being talked about. And then, as if by magic, THIS shit comes up again??? THIS starts dominating my news feed? Fucking BIRTH CONTROL? 

People are right to be asking, "What is this, the 1950's?" But, they're wrong to be thinking it's just because a bunch of right wing wackos are being douches again. That's what I don't believe in anymore. I'm convinced, now that I've turned into an old cynic, that they're just pulling the old bait and switch. None of those giant rich pricks, actually want us to get close to changing ANYTHING about the way the system they've learned to cheat, currently operates. The presidential nominees, and in fact most politicians, are all funded by Super-Pacs, who are all anonymously funded by people who can afford to drop contributions of hundreds of thousands of dollars, who are primarily the very fat cats we were just discussing. Duh. And if they say, "you politicians need to stir up the abortion debate again, the peasants are all getting too close to messing with our setup over here," that is what the politicians do. Even if they don't believe in it, or might believe in it, but don't care that much. 

You can claim that this makes me a conspiracy theorist, but I don't see it that way. We already know that politicians lie through their teeth, about pretty much everything, and only talk about anything if it benefits them somehow. How is this any different? What's annoying is that it works. If I have to shift my attention from the financial stuff to the fucking debate about birth control... then I have to. It's too important to get the whole country OUT of baby producing mode. Or rather, the ones who don't want them. If you want them, and you can afford them, and you will love them and raise them right, I'm all behind you. Have one for me, and love it, be good to it, teach it to be a good person, and let me come over and play with it once in a while, because I don't see it in my future. But the rest of you, out there, having lots of babies, all by accident... I need you to have as much birth control as you can get your hands on. And until this uproar dies down, the slimeballs are free to do whatever they want... because our backs are turned again. 

I hate stupid liberals ......(betcha didn't expect that phrase out of me, did you)

I was trying to explain to someone earlier why I don't think it's fair that I get lumped in with stupid liberals, just because people can't seem to differentiate between the stupid ones and the smart ones. For this reason, stupid liberals piss me off, almost more than stupid Republicans. The smart ones, the ones that don't promote scary ideas (on either end of the spectrum), those I like. But stupid liberals are the worst. They're the worst because they take (the things that I think are) good, reasonable things to believe, and believe them for all the wrong reasons.

We do not need to save the Earth because there is a rich, spiritual connection between it, us and all living things. Even if you think that's true... that isn't why we should save it. We need to save it as long as we can, because we haven't learned yet how to exist without it's resources. It's very simple. I don't want to starve, freeze, or be forced to stay in one place because I can't travel. So until you come up with an answer to how  avoid these things without fossil fuels.... then we need to slow the fuck down in destroying our reserves.

Making emotional pleas to people like the high level business men that most of our congressmen and senators are, is not going to do the case any good at all. And please stop singing "We Shall Overcome" at protests and rallies. Please stop it. I cringe every time you do that. I nervously eye all the cameras around, who are not there to see if anyone has anything good to say (like the reason I was there), they are looking for you. You with the singing, holding hands, with scarves hanging off of several spots on your person. And then they zoom in. They go straight to you. They ask you why you believe reasonable things, and then you give them some answers that aren't well thought out, aren't researched, and revolve primarily around your feelings, which render a reasonable belief into something that you believe for reasons that don't matter to anyone else but you. Their job is to find you. To skip over the ones who might lend cause to the movement. That's about when they wrap up and leave. And I guarantee, you are going to be on the news tonight, sounding like a fucking idiot, looking like hell, and... singing. Please stop doing this.

We do not need to allow gay marriage because the government and the Church are impeding our rights to sexual expression and personal beliefs. It may be true that they are, but that's not the point. We need to allow these things, because it is absolutely retarded that we are paying our congressmen and senators to argue about something as ridiculous as this. I don't care what you believe. There are too many of us to come to a consensus EVER. There is something like 350 million people in the U.S. We won't agree. It won't happen. This argument cannot go on forever. AND YOU HAVE MORE IMPORTANT SHIT TO BE DEALING WITH. We're in a WAR. Our economy is in the fucking gutter. More and more people are going hungry and running out of options. And as a 1700's philosopher whose name I can never actually remember said, "One day the poor will have nothing left to eat but the rich." All lovey reasons aside. If you let enough people get hungry, they do things people normally wouldn't do. And they have a lot of back up. I am NOT saying that we need to put them all on Welfare, I am saying that we can't ignore the issue, or it will get BAD. And... you guys are still... talking about gay marriage.

We need to allow these things because where I grew up, my mother taught me to live and let live. In other words, to mind my own goddamn business and let people do whatever they want, as long as it doesn't affect me one way or another. And guess what. If two dudes in Massachusetts that I'm never, ever going to meet, want to get married, I do not give a rat's ass. More power to them. I'm going to go back to doing whatever I want to.

We do not need to be Pro-Choice because it empowers women. We need to be pro-choice because the Church wants to make birth control illegal. That is the worst idea I have ever heard. It is SO irresponsibly unwise, that any entity which, in all seriousness, suggests that we should do that... should be stricken from the record... RIGHT now. Do I have to say anymore than that? Why do those guys even get to be a part of this discussion? Are you kidding me? Do you want more babies to be born into the world... when it's like this? Millions and millions more? .....Are you sure? I understand that abortion is not the same as birth control. I also understand that legislating the complete illegalization of it is going to cost a lot of money... that we don't have. We don't have it. Maybe when the U.S. gets rich, happy and settled down a little bit we can revisit this argument. It is a valid one, but only for philosophical reasons. And we don't have time for that right now.

Do you see what I mean? Aren't those... the three big ones... that make right wing wackos hate liberals? I know there are many, but did I kind of touch on the majority there? Did I say anything that sounded really unreasonable to anyone? I'm just being realistic. I'm not being... dramatic, theatrical, douchey, whiny, or irrelevant. There is a huge distinction.

I was not raised to be an idiot, to believe everything I heard, or to make up my mind before I had heard a lot. I was raised to talk to people, ask a lot of questions, to listen both to the things said, and the things unsaid. To try to find common ground somewhere, with everyone I meet, and to promptly discard the people for whom this is not possible, and move along my merry way. There are very few people with whom you can't find something. 

Sometimes, I don't do so good at being objective. I hear something so compelling that I cannot see it any other way... and then I go home and tell my dad about it. His answer almost always begins with, "Ok, now let's think about this." It is endlessly frustrating. I really have to check my facts before I take something to him. And even if I think I've done well, he can almost always find a hole to poke in it. So, when I stump him.... it makes me the proudest kid on the planet. Wears me out, too. But it has taught me to stay sharp. Always consider what the other side of the story is. Pick whichever one makes sense.

My dad grew up on a farm, with his two little sisters. He took care of the cows and the pigs, helped with the horses, played in the pastures, fished at 'the tank', and fixed machines when they were broken. He went to school in a very very small rural Texas town, where the church meant a lot. Still does. And where race is still very much an issue, even one that has closely affected his family. My mom came from a solidly working class family in Buffalo, New York, that moved to Fort Worth, Texas when she was a little girl, with her two older sisters. Her parents were two of the most dearly loved people I've ever had in my life. I will tell stories about them, to you readers, someday soon. But they were not what you would call open-minded. They went to the Catholic church across town every Sunday, and took me with them, and I still remember exactly the words they used to say Grace before every dinner. "Bless us O lord, for these, thy gifts that we are about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen. May there be peace and happiness in the world." I have seen and felt the great things that a church can be for people.

My point is, that there are a lot of people out there who are just Republicans, because that's what they are, always have been, it's what their parents were, and what their kids will be. Kind of like people who are just religious because they always have been, and it's what they know. There are also Democrats who are the same things. And that's all fine, if you've really thought about it. But my parents don't fall into this category, and they have been my greatest teachers. They came from very conservative homes, and they've become very progressive thinkers. None of us would be caught dead singing at a rally. Not one of us would waste efforts attempting to convert a gun-toting, bear-hunting, wilderness-loving person... into someone who thinks gun control should be strict. Or a beer-loving, rowdy, red-blooded American football fan... into going to yoga.

I don't know how else to plead for my separation from the stupid hippies of America. All these words... they don't fit me anymore. Maybe before the stigmas that are now attached to them became attached, but not now. I am not a hippie (I bathe), or a liberal (half the social programs in the country piss me off), tree-hugger (I believe we have to strive for sustainable development), or a Democrat (because I think they're all full of shit). I just want to be Reasonable. And I think that will be my political affiliation from here on out.

Joe Rogan is wrong (even though I ADORE him), and marriage is dumb

Joe Rogan is one of my favorite people. I think he's a genius about many subjects. But, not girls. Or, if he's actually a genius about girls, then I am weirder than I thought. Either way, let's explore some of this -

Joe is a fan of saying that women want to get married, and men either don't want to, or don't care and just do it because the alternative is to lose their consistent source of easy sex. He said it on the podcast last night, and he's on my computer right now straying close to this subject again. It... bugs me. He doesn't say a lot of things that bug me, and I listen to his podcast fairly often. So, I'm going to talk about how much I don't want to get married, and maybe through some shiny ray of coincidence, Joe will see this and reconsider.

I don't want to get married. I've been married, and it was stupid (it, not him). I was young, and didn't know any better, and I went and did what you're supposed to do. Fell for a good guy, had a long engagement, got married, combined bank accounts, bought a house, a truck, etc. And when that fell apart and I had to take off, it made everything exponentially more painful to deal with. Not only did I have to say, "I don't want to be with you anymore," separate out possessions, let go of the friends that were his first, etc... I had to also try to hash out financial details... in the middle of breaking up. Finance. The word is cold, boring, mundane and obnoxious. To deal well with separating finances is a rational and detached process. Which basically means, you can't do it when you passionately hate/hurt each other.

You have to write out a plan. on a form, that states how you're going to handle your debt. And then you have to go in front of a judge in a court room, as though you've done something criminal, to ask him to approve your break up. The whole fucking process is awful, painful, humiliating, and essentially like pouring a big old bucket of pepper sauce on a wicked road rash.

I'm not getting married a second time. I love Josh. I think we could make it til we're old and gray. I think we could be good parents if we ever changed our minds and decided to have babies (which is another blog, but I don't see that happening either). I think we could have a lot of fun together, protect each other, back each other, and love each other, until one of us kicks the bucket.

But... what the hell do I know about what life is going to throw at us? I could get hit by a truck tomorrow, sustain a traumatic brain injury, and never be the same person again, that he loves right now. I could get cancer, get really sick, and sink into a depression that made me a hollow shell of the woman I currently am. I'd sure try not to go that way, but I can't say because I've never been faced with anything like that. And though a lot of people would shake their heads, judge, whisper and generally... suck as much as people usually do, about him leaving me because I was sick... if that's what I turned into, the rational, removed, girlfriend that I am right now would say that I don't care if that woman is me, I don't want him to be saddled with that. I would want him to live his life in whatever way would make him the happiest. And if that didn't include me, I would let him go. Because that's what real love means.

Now. Add to THAT tragic end, the tedious, never-ending, cold, heartless task of getting a divorce.

Yeah... fuck that.

Our relationship is awesome. Our connection is unique and irreplaceable. Why on earth would I anchor it down with a bunch of irrelevant shit like 'marriage papers'? I stay with him because he makes me stupidly happy. It's not because I feel obligated, or afraid, or daunted. He stays with me because I make him want to come home every day. I make him calm. He's lost the anger and the cynicism. Now he believes he might actually live past 25 (messing with bombs for a living kind of alters how long you expect to make it). It's not because he feels trapped by all these legal shackles and bindings. It's not because he has to worry that I won't be able to make it on my own. Why would I want to add all those burdens to something so simple and perfect?

Someday, because I know his family is of the more traditional variety than my own (and I respect that it could be something that matters to them for their son/brother/etc), I think maybe we could have a big gathering, I could put on a pretty dress, we could get me some... circular finger decoration for the sake of the ritual, and we could make those promises to each other in front of the people we love, and then we could throw a bad ass party. But it wouldn't change what we are, and I don't want to sign that ridiculous piece of paper that takes our love, our bond... and makes it into something owned by an institution. A church or a government or a state. An entity that isn't real, or compassionate, or caring, or... AT ALL a part of what made us or sustains us.

We've talked about if we'd be willing to do it if we had to for some reason. If it meant that it was the only way I could go with him on a contract abroad. If it was the only way that we could get into our own house. If it was worth it for the tax breaks. Etc. Then we could take some measures beforehand to protect ourselves. And that way, if we were wrong, thinking we knew how everything was going to go, and who we're each going to be in a few years (and that shit is important. Forever is a long time) then we wouldn't destroy each others lives coming to that decision. And I guess... we'll cross this bridge if we ever have to. But it's not what I want and I don't think it's necessary and I'm a little offended by the implication that because I'm a woman I somehow need this... irrelevant affirmation of my relationship.

It's retarded. It doesn't make people less likely to cheat, get bored, turn into weirdos, etc. What it is, is lucrative (and that's kinda fucked up, if you think about it). If someone you love is marrying you... because they think they have to... wouldn't that ruin it for you? Why is that what anyone wants? It shouldn't be. It's NOT. Not like that, for a lot of people.

I know that some of my friends will disagree with this. Maybe several of them. Also, let me add, that my parent's have been married for 30 years this June, and they actually still really like each other, hang out all the time, and will almost certainly be married until they die, and I am incredibly grateful for that. I also reserve the right to change my mind at some point in my life, because I am only sure of one thing in this universe, and that is that all things change, and I don't really know shit.

But for now, I understand the reasons for doing it... for other people. Because what it signifies, what that means to you, is something that is only achievable through god, and the like... making it official. But it's for those people. Male and female. I have met both. And it isn't the right thing for some people, like me, a woman. And I guarantee that I'm not the only one.